On the 21st of june 1998 I had a remarkable adventure.
A young lady, a singer in a french band, came along to a couple of concerts that I was attending for the Fete De La Musique.
Now I'd spoken to this person once before and found her beautiful in mind, body and spirit. So I was surprised when people in my entourage began saying that there was a young lady asking after me. My female friends began saying that I should ask her out as they could see by her body language that she was attracted to me and that it was obvious to them that I was quite smitten.
So cups of coffees and beers in cafes around Menilmontant/Oberkampf ensued. I sort of courtship took place, me always unsure of her feelings, not quite believing that this wonderful person could have any feelings for me. That would be too good to be true. I was done for. I never thought that I could feel the way I felt.
So one very hot day I arrived home from my daily run and there she was, waiting for me in front of my apartment block. She had sprained her ankle cycling so we went up to my flat and I took care of her ankle. Then words were spoken, declarations made and passionate embraces followed.
In my joy I was smiling from ear to ear. I knew the meaning of ecstasy. Then in my usual way I said something that I shouldn't have. I stated how lucky it felt that we were both single at the moment of our meeting each other.
Her reply crushed me. She said that she was in a relationship for the past 7 years. I stopped dead and said that we could not go any further. So without even sleeping together things came to an end. She said that I shouldn't care about the other man, I didn't really know him and that it was her that had to carry the burden.
I don't operate like that. We saw each other in cafes a few times more. She was going to leave him and we were going to go to her fathers place in the countryside for awhile. I waited by the telephone on the day we were due to go. When I got the call it was to tell me that she couldn't leave.
So there we were back in 1998. I never really spoke about this as it's a small world and I didn't want to cause her or her boyfriend any embarrassment or pain, nothing happened so why cause unnecessary hurt. I wanted her to be happy.
For me on the other hand it was the worst period of my life, I hit the deepest depression that I have ever experienced. Friends were worried and wouldn't leave me alone because they were scared that I might have done something stupid. They took shifts over a few days to keep me company without ever really knowing what had pushed me to such a breaking point.
Fast forward to 2006 in Amsterdam. I get a text message asking me "hey what happened between you and ---- ?"
The band that she played in had just released a bonus track edition of one of their albums on which was a track called "Bob". I had to explain to close friends why I had never confided in them when it was all going on. Of course the song is far from flattering. I've had several attempts at composing a response but to no avail as yet. This year the track has come out on a "best of" CD so I'm having to talk about it again.
Nothing happened, I don't cheat on my partners or sleep with people that do. The couple could continue in the knowledge that she hadn't been unfaithful and only a kiss was exchanged in real terms.
I have done my best to be honorable yet the hostility that I feel from this song is distressing.
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn'd.
So there you have it, my first Blog.
